truth

Yes, I believe in God, and I know that Jesus Christ died for man's sins. And, yes, I'm familiar with the redemption and forgiveness and being born again theory. It sounds real nice.
I also believe that there is a serpent inside of me that I cannot control. I believe that my particular soul is poisoned, is tainted. We can't all be winners people. There is Hell that lives inside of me; fire, not blood, pulses through my veins.
I can worship and fellowship and patron and pray all I want, but I cannot bring myself back to life. My soul inside me is poisoned and tainted and tarnished and dead.
I am nothing.
And I still believe that I cannot be saved.
An overwhelming anxiety and uncontrollable fear prevents me from seeking.
And worst of all, pain is my heroine. I need to have it inside of me to feel right. And I need to spread it amongst my fellow man. Misery loves company. I need to hurt to breathe.
I pain, and I inhale, and I pain and I exhale. And without suffer I cannot breathe. Hate is fuel, is oxygen, is my everything.

I will not be saved because I cannot be saved because I cannot repent because I am not sorry because my sins bring me sick pleasure because the serpent inside me thrives on the hate and the anger that I breed.
The End