It clouds my judgement and it impairs my ability to think, to reason or believe, and to even feel. There is a haze inside my head that consumes my brain and devours my soul. Somewhere inside is a man with thoughts and emotions, with hopes and dreams. But he is buried deep beneath the grey. There is compassion and love and there is joy and ambition. But it is paralyzed by the nothingness, by the empty.
In my most coherent moments i think and I feel and I plan and I am alive and well. But in my day to day being I am a zombie, a mindless nothing driven by fear and hate. The fog, the haze, the grey eats away at my heart, my soul, and it consumes the part of me that is alive and human. All that is left is the anger and the hate and the discontent and that is all that is seen on the surface.
I am not me. I am a by-product of my fractured mind. I act on impulse and instinct. Fight or flight. And there is a war waging inside of me. The lucidity versus the fog. The potential versus the haze. The love and the want versus the grey.
I am divided amongst myself, and I cannot win this fight.
I am in pieces inside of myself.
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incoherent. inappropriate. non-sensical. non-sequitor. rambling. offensive. off-putting. immature. un-educated. not worth your time.
1 comment:
I hope you know that you're not the only person who feels this way. I feel it day in and day out. The difference is, I'm not leaning on MY ability to win. I'm leaning on HIS.
We're here for you if you ever need anything.
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