Therapy

I like to go out in the cold and I like to turn my music way way up so I can't hear myself breathe and I can't hear my feet hit the ground. Running is repetitive and rhythmic, and I shut my brain off for a little tiny while and for a small part of the day, I am sane. Everything I am is forgotten and left behind and all I have to do is keep putting one foot in front of the other. I feel stress and anxiety and anger and depression leave my body, escape from my soul. I sweat, and it cleanses me.

I am quickly alone inside my head, and the insanity inside me can't keep up so it leaves me for a few moments, and for this short part of the day my thoughts are rational, logical, and lucid. I think about what I once was and what I could have been and what I am today and what I never will be again. I imagine myself in different places doing different things. I picture myself not as I am, but as I desire to be, and as I have all but given up hope of ever being.

With each passing mile, I am that much further away from myself and from this disease inside me, and I am that much closer to becoming human.